Right, if I'm going to be doing reviews on here I suppose I should probably define just exactly what my scores out of 10 mean, eh? But wait, I promised a review of Dr. Parnassus didn't I? Well fear not all you people who aren't reading this, that will finally come on Saturday (hopefully) along with an extra special little surprise! (Note: may not actually be that special. It depends if you care about This Is It. Oh fuck now I spoilt the surprise...) Ahem. Without any further ado, the Scoring System!
1/10 - Absolutely and agonisingly terrible. Consider suicide rather than watch this film. Don't worry, you will never see me give out this score unless they do a limited re-release of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me in cinemas and Phil forces me to go and see it because he's a sadistic little git at times.
2/10 - Really, really bad with no redeeming features other than the fact that it's not Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. Rest assured, if that film didn't exist a film scoring 2/10 would actually score 1/10. Think yourselves lucky 2/10'ers!!!
3/10 - Seriously not worth your time. There might be a tiny glimmer of hope in there somewhere but it's hidden under so many piles of shit that it's really not worth digging for. Avoid.
4/10 - Might be worth seeing with your mates if only to have laugh at. This is the point were a film is bad but almost enjoyable for various reasons. Terrible reasons, but still. Don't watch it on your own as you probably won't get a lot out of it (if anything) but rag it with your mates and you'll have a good enough time.
5/10 - Meh. It's watchable but you won't want to see it again. Some good things about it but unfortunately too many flaws to really be anything too decent. Shame. See it if you want but don't expect a lot.
6/10 - Good. If you have an interest in this particular type of film you'll probably get enough out of it to make a viewing fairly worthwhile. It's not gonna change your life but it won't exactly be a waste of your life either. Worth considering.
7/10 - Now this is more like it. The official point at which a film would be worth seeing again at some point and could maybe even earn itself a place in your DVD collection if it plays its cards right. An enjoyable film spoilt by a few things which let it down a bit but which ultimately is a satisfying viewing. If you have any interest in this type of film you should definitely go to see it.
8/10 - Pretty much a 7/10 but with less flaws, resulting in a better overall package. Thoroughly recommended!
9/10 - You need to see this film. Very little to complain about and the only things I can really think of are pretty minor niggles. Almost perfection.
10/10 - Heaven. Reserved only for the likes of Pulp Fiction, Fight Club and a few others. I doubt you'll see me score this unless I review one of my all time favourites. Hopefully a new cinema release will prove me wrong at some point though!
Additionally I will clarify that you will never see me giving '.5' marks. That would basically be scoring out of 20 which is absolutely RIDICULOUS. The scope is far too wide to really mean anything. I mean, how would you clarify the tiny little difference between a 15/20 and a 16/20? It's seriously not worth it. The only time '.5' should ever be used is when scoring out of 5. But if your giving half marks in that situation your scoring out of 10 anyway so you may as well just use a 1-10 scale you idiots.
And that is why I don't give half marks. OK?
See ya soon!
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